frustrated kt ranting away to glory (disclaimer – endless use of abusive, inappropriate language and lack of proper punctuation)
super random yet another white robe picture because hella cute so ok
There is nothing like knowing that whenever I go on dates I can pay off the cheque all by myself (sometimes I even get a kick out of it, like bitch see I don’t need you sponsor my meal I can do it by myself and guess what I’ll sponsor yours too despite only being a perpetually interning college kid yasss independent hustler woman, now marry me thanks boo) but I WANT ROMANCE AND I WANT FLOWERS AND I WANT TO BE SPOILT SILLY and I feel like a fucking hypocrite.
I think it’s this massive ego I’ve acquired from unhealthy amount of binge sess’ of 90s feminist (uh, pretty much?) television shows (read – SATC. read – Samantha. read – role model, icon, queen)
It’s also very fickle. I’m a very fickle person, I’ve realized. Definitely 100% ashamed to admit it haha but I’m going to put the blame on my bpd haha. Haha.
You see, because once I’m past the haha yass surpriseeee boyy I paid off the bill while you were in the restroom is immediately followed by but I kinda wish I hadn’t / I’d have felt so pampered and spoilt if you had, instead. haha why am I like this, fucking hypocrite
But then there are men like my dearest friend SS, who understand perfectly my dilemma and insist on paying anyway and making me feel absolutely spoilt, thank you for being such a gem and pampering me and taking me to nice places always and making me feel good about myself (like giiiirl yes, you worth it yass). I guess the difference is you always acknowledge I’m a hustler and I’m dedicated to my work (yesterday on the phone, heh) and all that jazz so I don’t feel like I’m completely ripping you heh. But oh my god, I definitely need to treat you soon, my Christmas present to you for being an absolute delight of a man and a good friend! (come back to Bangalore soon) You inspire me to work hard, have a good, solid, kind heart and earn shitloads and look back at my 20 year old self in 10 years and say, you did good, kid. Because that is you now. *wipes away a tear of sheer pride*
I guess it’s all about respect. I never want to feel like I owe anyone anything and I never ever want anyone to feel that I do. I guess it’d be nice to have someone spoil me silly but only if they’re fully aware that all that they do for me, I can do for myself and I’d do, for them. So it longer feels like they’re doing me favour but it’s a gesture out of honest adoration and love. (because really who can resist anyway, I’m adorable as heck)
Man, I guess I just always want to be treated like an equal.
I’m kind of really happy I wrote this lol, I feel so much better. Writing, you truly are super cheap and effective therapy.
I despise splitting bills, I think it’s stupid and it robs the date of the nice feeling of, ‘look just relax and enjoy it, I think you’re great and this is me spoiling you.’
And so I always make sure if not on the first date, I’mma pick up the cheque on the second. Here, this me appreciating you now let me spoil you just how you spoilt me. FEEEL GOOD, YOU! You deserve this.
I’m also a judgemental prick when it comes to certain things and I despise girls (and boys lol) who have no ambition (like ??????) and no hustle and depend entirely on their dates to pay for their lavish dining experience and lifestyle. Giiiirl, no. Work hard and fucking earn. Have self-respect and some healthy amounts of ego. There is pride in knowing you can fund your own lifestyle and plus your date would want to be spoilt as much as you do. Pick up the tab on the second date, which date wouldn’t admire a partner who wants to appreciate them as much as they do them? (side note – how 2 fix this string of confusing words?) And well if you dont, uh too bad but you’re really just ruining the nice men for us (nice girls) because eventually they’ll assume we all a bunch of dependent, greedy sugar babies. Nah girl, no.
My rant now comes to an abrupt end because my back’s starting to hurt from all the slouching. Peace out.