He holds me in his arms.
I’m shaking, my mind is exploding with emotions I cannot contain.
I’m a mess, a broken mess but right now in his arms I’m starting to feel safe again.
Please don’t let go.
There is nowhere else I’d rather be.
Suddenly it doesn’t matter how my past is looming over my heart like a dark cloud preparing to come down as pouring rain and leave me drenched, it doesn’t matter how I detest the way I look, the million issues I have with my body, it doesn’t matter how I think I’ll never be good enough for anyone. My inadequacies are reducing to a blur.
Because suddenly all that matters is the solace the rhythm of his steady heartbeat offers, and his strong arms enveloping me entirely, cocooning me in his warmth.
Hush, baby girl. I’m here now.
You’ve spent your entire life trying to heal broken people and fix broken things and you’ve ignored how much of damage that has inflicted on you for far too long. You put aside the fact that you were left broken too, in the process. Now let me help you fix yourself, help you heal all of your broken pieces.
Kaya, he pauses.
I love you.
I love you, Kaya. I love you with every fiber of my being. And I knew I was in love when I first saw you walking up to me your wild hair flying free in the wind, your stride poised and confident. You were so stunningly beautiful, in your own wild, bohemian way.
I knew I was in love when you waved and flashed that bright smile and I knew in my heart I’d never get enough of it, and all I ever wanted was to make sure that smile would never leave your lips.
And I realize now how much I love you when I feel your heart breaking and I discern, so is my own.
Kaya, beautiful Kaya, I love you, baby girl. I’m here now and I promise to stay. I need you to smile again.
He kisses my forehead and pulls me in even closer. Never have I ever been hugged so tight.
My heart melts.
I’d managed to fight back tears until now but no longer can I hold them in.
They roll down my cheek. These aren’t tears of sorrow, they are those of profound joy.
I sit up and put my arms around his neck and I whisper in his ears, I love you too. My voice chokes.
There is so much I wish to say, so much I need to express. I’m overwhelmed with emotions. For the first time in my life, my words will have to wait.
For now I’m going to stay wrapped in his arms, savour this silence and cherish every little thing about this moment. It is so absolutely imperfectly perfect, it makes me smile.
Lord, I’m in love, so unconditionally, utterly, desperately and madly in love. And for the first time, I feel just as unconditionally, utterly, desperately and madly loved.