Smushball

Hey.

For my sake and for the sake of our relationship, I hope you are someone who reads. The words I type have always conveyed my feelings better than anything else. I think about you often, mostly because I’m terrified you aren’t real or I will never find you.

You are the man I will eventually fall in love with.

I’ve had rocky relationships. Imagine that, I’m only 19, turning 20 in a few weeks and I’ve already had my heart broken brutally, broken some kind hearts and I’ve never had stable relationships. But then again I’m only 19 turning 20, so there is, I hope, much time left to be in one.

Currently I’m submerging myself with things to do because I’m working on myself. I’ve lived a comfortable life and I want to continue to do the same without depending on my parents anymore. I want to be 100% financially independent by the time I’m 21, you see. And I hope this spirit of mine continues till and after I meet you. I am materialistic and I want to build a name for myself and be successful, for now. It is the summer of ’17 and I’m doing two internships and building contacts and trying to do photoshoots. And learning lightroom.

I have a picture of the kind of person you are in my head (primarily because I’ve spent the last two years single as fuck and bored, needy for a companion and I’ve had more time than desirable to dwell upon this). You are kind, spontaneous and stubborn to the bone. You are just like me and we probably do not fight much, though when we do, we fight like animals and make up immediately after (because fights that go on for long leave me scared and vulnerable, and terrified you are going to abandon me, thank you BPD). You are also probably a cheeseball and a total smushball, always trying to surprise me and doing tiny things to make me smile (you have my unending gifts you keep receiving at every possible occasion that are thoughtful and utterly cute to compete with after all). You are focused on your career, working hard and climbing the ladder of whichever corporation or field you’re in swiftly, as am I, as living the good life without ever having a lack of anything, is something I give a lot of importance to, and you’re probably the same. I doubt if we’ll get along if you’re not. Finally, I hope you have a heart that brims with love and ohana is everything.

Please hold me often and envelope me in long hugs and deep kisses, there is nothing I like more than physical touch and the comfort it gives one. I also hope we travel every opportunity we get and indulge in terrifying, breathtaking fun activities and are NOT a boring, old couple.

I just realized I’ve been watching too much Parks and Recreation and I’m way too influenced by Leslie and Ben, and April and Andy’s marriages. PLEASE have already watched Parks and Recreation, it is a hilarious show and Ron Swanson is my hero.

Anyway, moving on.

Surprise me with flowers and make time for Netflix with me (I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow TV shows). Please always leave the toilet seat up (it annoys the fuck out of me when people don’t), though I’m almost positive we’ll probably have better technology for all that and it’s automatic by then lmao. Sundays are for all things bacon breakfast (I sincerely hope I don’t ever outgrow my love for bacon, good lord. Or dank memes). I’m getting too much into details and I’m going to turn it down a notch or better yet, stop before I sit at this desk beaming and blushing a bright tomato red, dreaming about my amazing, imaginary future husband that is you and embarassing myself.

And of course, find me soon, mi amor.

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