Fire

She was two years younger than I am and yet, never have I ever so strongly lusted for someone as I did for her. Our encounter was brief, that night in the train is one that is forever etched in my memories.
During one of those long tunnel phases one goes through while coming from the north, she climbed onto my upper berth from her own and pushed me to lie flat. She kept asking me, ‘you want this too, don’t you’ and I knew my insides were screaming yes, yes, yes, but I said no and gently pushed her away. She may have been younger, but she was strong. She held me down and brought her face close. I couldn’t see her; it was too dark for that, but I could feel her warm breathe on my skin. She rubbed her nose on my cheek and touched her lips to it softly. I knew that second, I wanted her to kiss me on my lips, I craved it, but by then we had reached the end of the tunnel and the lights were coming back on. The moment was broken, it was gone. We separated instantly. My face was flushed. She smiled that flirtatious smile of hers and climbed back onto her berth. But that was the end of it. We never did anything after that. I remember saying goodbye, the fire that had been ignited at the very pits of my stomach with her touch, dying, as we reached her station and we parted. For the longest time, I wondered about what had transpired between the two of us. It felt wrong and I felt contrite, but nothing had so intensely excited me in a long while.
That night as I lay down to sleep, I questioned my sexuality for the very first in my life. I was ashamed and yet I was intrigued. It had felt forbidden and yet so utterly normal.

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