His fingers clutched her hair and he held her as close as he could, as a single tear escaped his cheek and fell on hers. It broke her to see him sad, broke her even more when she thought about what was to follow. This was it, it was time to say goodbye. Goodbye to all the memories. Goodbye to this bond. Her arms around him tightened, she never wanted to let go of him, her breath ragged and her tears unending. They stood like this for what seemed like ages, until it was time to break away.
He makes small talk and she fakes bright smiles, and they try and make things seem lighter for the other. Efforts, in the worst of times. The rickshaw’s here and she gets on, her heart begs her to not leave, to not let go but it knows she cannot stay. They wave and say goodbye and as the rickshaw pulls away, her heart is in pieces and tears start again.
Every memory plays back, how they met, how perfectly annoying he was in the very beginning only to turn into her favourite person; the only one she cared about, how breathtakingly close they got and how things changed.
She’d miss everything.
She’d miss the long phone conversations in the summer, ones that seemed never-ending, ones she never wanted to see end. How easy it felt, opening up to him and trusting him.
She’d miss the one time she cooked for him and how despite its turning out terribly, he still ate all of it anyway.
She’d miss how she’d spent what felt like almost all of summer with him, meeting up almost every single day and spending the few hours they had limbs entwined, and in each other’s arms. How utterly, perfectly comfortable she felt, how she wished the summer wouldn’t end.
She’d miss her little surprises, how happy and excited her plans made her, how her only priority became helping him find happiness in the toughest and best of times.
She’d miss giving herself the cheesiest of names on his phone, changing his wallpaper to match hers and her futile attempts to make him adore cats as she did, forcing one cat video after the other.
She’d miss his hugs, oh so much, all she needed to make a bad day brighter, a good day even better.
She’d miss how she always had to look up to talk to him, how it would always strike her at the oddest of moments how tall he was, how perfect, and how he’d envelope her completely in his hold and make her feel perfectly tiny, perfectly safe, perfectly complete.
She’d miss how easily she could talk to him about things that were buried deep in her heart, only to be followed by insuppressible tears that he’d kiss away and end with comforting whispers.
She’d miss Modern Family marathons, Malayalam comedy to which they’d laugh till their stomachs hurt and chick-flicks he always seemed to hate.
She’d miss tagging him in all her favourite memes and flooding his notifications.
She’d miss how proud she felt of him, when he’d tell her all about Nazi Germany in the middle of the night when she’d ask, her favourite foreign relations and contemporary history teacher, the smartest man of his age that she knew.
She’d miss waking up in his strong arms, her slightest movements that would subconsciously cause him to tighten his hold around her and bury her head on his chest and she’d almost cry at how perfectly happy she felt, the kind of happiness she hadn’t felt in the longest time.
That one time, one of many afternoon naps, when she’d dreamt of horrible things having happened to him and she woke up terrified and relieved it was a dream and how she couldn’t stop sobbing uncontrollably while he held her and rocked her to calm.
She’d miss most of all, how it made her giggle when he’d rub his stubble against her cheek when she’d sit on his lap, her head resting on his shoulder. How she’d wrap herself around him and how it was her favourite place to be. Home.
She’d miss how utterly happy he could make her.
She’d miss all of it. She’d miss everything.
She’d miss her best friend, and she’s terrified of how she’ll get through.